Yesterday, Vulture obtained a grocery list from R. Kelly's home, stealthly captured by a visitor who we'd like to thank for his/her skill and presence of mind while in the Kellz residence. Alas, here's the list:
Of the notable items: Go Gurts, brand specific lemonade and sausage links, oh yeah... Dino shaped Chicken Nuggets leading the list, uncut lettuce (so he can presumably cut it himself), 3 bananas (no more, no less), 2 kinds of cookie dough, and 2 Pizza Lunchables and 2 Bologna Lunchables.
Are you sitting down now? OK, my first reaction was, wow. Now I feel amazing that I'm not the only adult who still eats Lunchables, mind you the two best ones in Pizza and Bologna. Respect, Kellz.
Louisville sports reporter Adam Lefkoe drops 46 classic rap references in one report
Job. Well. Done.
Adam Lefkoe is a Louisville sports reporter beginning to make his name known for news reports that cleverly cite an absurd amount of one theme for 5 minutes. Above: 46 classic rap references. Previously: 41 Seinfeld references and 31 wrestlers.
Seriously, 10 seconds in I was hooked. The transitions were comically smooth. And he ends the report in style (I won't spoil it so you get the full effect.) See how many references you can catch and enjoy!
As we all know, Dave Chappelle is a close friend of the hip hop scene and a very good storyteller. While on his ongoing comedy tour, the comedian shared a couple of priceless stories on Kanye West and Lil Wayne. If you liked #ClassicKanye with that rant last night, then you'll love this story of #ClassicKanye:
On Kanye West's rise to stardom:
"The first time Kanye West was on television was on the Chappelle’s Show. It was the week that The Black Album came out. I’ll never forget. We were all sitting in the trailer listening to The Black Album, and Jay-Z says on the record, “Kanyeezy, you’s a genius. You did it again,”* and Kanye stopped the tape and pressed rewind.
He had that energy. You knew he was gonna be somebody. And then they did the show, him and Common did it. And you remember that song The Food? “You love to hear the story, again and again. About those two brothers from the City of Wind.”
The crowd, “EGHHHHHHHEEE.” Motherfuckers go nuts. I said, “Hey Kanye, look, we’re going back to the studio. We got to edit some sketches, but if you want, you can come with us and check out some of the stuff we’re working on.” He says, “Oh that’d be great!”
He comes to the studio we’re all sitting and there watching all these crazy sketches. Nobody had seen any of this shit before. It was Rick James, all that shit. All on there. It’s on footage, we was all cracking up and then in the middle of it all, Kanye’s phone rings. This is when I knew he was gonna be famous.
He answers the phone, he goes, “Hello. Huh? What? Uh uh, I can’t. I can’t. Cause, I’m at Dave Chappelle’s show watching sketches that nobody’s ever seen before.”
And then he says, “Cause my life is dope, and I do dope shit,” and then he hung up the phone."
God, I can't wait to tell someone on the phone that I can't meet up, "Cause my life is dope, and I do dope shit." Then hang up. Then proceed to watch old episodes of Fresh Prince.
Here's Wayne's story:
On Lil Wayne's lyrical metaphors:
"One of my favorite rappers, I’m not even bullshitting, and I promise y’all I mean this, is Lil Wayne. I’ve never met him, but he’s one of my favorite rappers. I guarantee you he could win a Pulitzer Prize. This motherfuckers is one of the most descriptive artists in modern popular culture.
He says the coolest shit, just throws it a way. “I got three kids and they all three.” Like, goddamn, this guy’s a genius. He also says, “Real G’s move in silence like lasagna.” Shit like that.
And you can picture everything he says. There’s one song where he says, “I got a bitch that played in movies in my jacuzzi.” And then he says, “Pussy juicy.” I close my eyes when I listen to that and picture it in my head. I see Lil Wayne sitting in the hot tub.
And that’s when he and I are different. If I could tell the pussy was in the hot tub, I’d probably get out. But Lil Wayne is sitting there like (laughs), “What is this strange oil floating on top of my hot tub water?” I think this is pussy juice.
He’s like an expert, he walks on the set of CSI and says, 'Has anyone else been in this crime area?' “No, uh huh.” “What is this? This stuff on the ground… it’s pussy juice. That’s gotta be one of the worst jokes I’ve written in a long time."
JT & Jimmy Fallon are back at it again. The "Evolution of" series continues, but diverges from classic hip hop toward... Touchdown dancing! This is exciting with the NFL underway and pretty much all touchdown dances being awesome. JT & Jimmy deliver on a series of classic dances like the Icky Shuffle and the Dirty Bird and then a ton that are just fantastic made-up TD dances. I really hope this inspires Brandon Marshall and Alshon Jeffery to do a slow-mo chest bump on Sunday (tweet them this link, guys!).
"Rip City Rhapsody" by the 1990 Portland Trail Blazers
To get amped for Week 1 of the NFL today, I've been watching a lot of... NBATV?! During the nothingness of the NBA offseason right now, NBA TV has put out a fair amount of original programming. One of those shows is NB90's: a VH1's I Love the 90's style recap of the seasons and style of the times and where I discovered this phenomenal rap video from the 1990 Trail Blazers.
So this week's #OldSchoolSundays will be more on the fun side (especially because I couldn't find any worthy throwback videos related to Kanye Wes'ts tour announcement this weekend) as this video encapsulates all that is great about cheesy rap videos by professional sports teams in the late 80s/early 90s. Literally everything. I'll let you enjoy.
It was awkward, it was light-hearted at times, it was full of compliments, and it was awkward some more. And it just happened on live TV as Eminem joined Brent Musberger & Kirk Herbstreit at halftime in his home state of Michigan for an interview and world premiere of the "Berzerk" video teaser.
This was a fun Twitter moment if you just happened to watch it. If not, press play above and see some odd, and vintage Eminem.
Shouts Deadspin on the rip. When the teaser hits the web, we'll have another update. It already revealed cameos by Rick Rubin, Slaughterhouse (no surprises yet...) and Kendrick Lamar!
Fallon's always great with creative musical sketches and last night was no different as he teamed up with young, talented singer Ariana Grande for new versions of rap songs... Broadway style. They run through "99 Problems", "Insane In The Membrane" (which I only hoped was longer), and "Thrift Shop". Watch and see above. More, please?
And this story is too good not to be made up. Questlove explains to OKP in detail how, when looking for his wallet, he found a brand new iPhone, sifted through the photos and some contacts to see that it has to be J. Cole's. Hah! They must've been riding the same van with a month plus in between. Hah! While this is a reminder that the world is small, this is also a reminder on me to put a security code on my iPhone. But hey, if I ever lose my unlocked iPhone, maybe my #1 crush Hannah McKay will find it and can tweet at me :D
Let's inject a little R&B basketball flavor into the Blog shall we? It won't be as smooth as let's say "Basketball Jones", but as humorous as about anything else you'll see today. It turns out the first Foot Locker spot with James Harden singing (terribly) "Harden Soul" was just a preface to the "Curry Remix" as the Golden State star takes center stage with this minute thirty number above.
After laughing it up with this one, I only had one thought: can we get the "Control (Curry Remix)"?! With those lethal rhymes against Harden, I would love to hear one more response to Kendrick Lamar from Stephen Curry, ha!
John Buccigross, you're officially my favorite SportsCenter anchor. His analogy of A$AP Ferg and the A$AP Mob to Tom Brady and the New England Patriots proves he's not only hip, but also excited for Trap Lord out tomorrow. More hip hop analogies on SportsCenter, please! That was fun.
Also fun: my favorite GIF from last week also featuring A$AP Ferg.